


What Team?

by Smokeringsanddeadkings



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, F/M, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-02-22 11:05:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13165623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smokeringsanddeadkings/pseuds/Smokeringsanddeadkings
Summary: Another group chat fic that nobody asked for.





	1. Thirst Traps and Snapbacks

**_What team? WILDCATS!_ **

 

Ben: Richie just sent me a thirst trap picture, wtf.

 

Ed: yeah wtf, richard

 

Bev: u tryna snatch my man, huh pretty boy?

 

AdoraBill: oooo I'm here for this tea

 

Stan: That literally was not an insult, Beverly. All you did was compliment him which is probably going to inflate his already large ego.

 

Bev: sorry stan. ): I'll do better next time

 

Mike w/o Ike: I'm sure it was a misunderstanding guys.

 

Richie and Morty: right-o Mikey. Sorry Ben, I meant to send that to eddie spaghetti

 

Ben: ok, just don't let it happen again. 

 

Bev: yeah don't traumatize my bf tozier

 

Richie and Morty: if he was so traumatized then y did he screenshot it, hm?

 

AdoraBill: OMFG

 

AdoraBill: BEN WYD

 

Mike w/o Ike: Damn Rich, out here snatching wigs and exposing people

 

Eddie: Explain yourself Benjamin.

 

Bev: Yeah Benjamin, you have got some explaining to do.

 

Stan: Oh, they whipped out the proper grammar. They must be pissed.

 

Stan: Also LMAO

 

Eddie: I’m not mad. 

 

AdoraBill: liar u literally just clenched ur fist like the Arthur meme and u r glaring at ur phone.

 

Eddie: Now is not the time to expose me, William.

 

Stan: You better explain yourself before Eddie comes to the library and beats your ass, Ben.

 

Ben: ….

 

Ben: it's quite simple really,

 

Bev: elaborate

 

Ben: Richie sent me a thirst trap and…. I fell for the trap.

 

AdoraBill: I CAN'T

 

Mike w/o Ike: LMAO

 

Stan: …

 

Richie and Morty: to b fair, it was a pretty high quality. stronger ppl have failed to resist, don't feel too bad Benny boy

 

Eddie: MCXCUSE ME BITCH, 

 

Eddie: WHO ELSE HAVE YOU BEEN SENDING PICTURES TO

 

Stan: I'm here for Richie accidentally exposing himself.

 

AdoraBill: I don't know if u remember this but u rejected rich for a solid two years. In that time Richie was a Fuck Boi™

 

Richie and Morty: You would know Bill. I learned from the best.

 

Mike w/o Ike: MY WIG FLEW TO JUPITER

 

Bev: THE SHADE

 

AdoraBill: Thats the truth tbh. We were the dynamic fuck boi duo.

 

Richie and Morty: Snapbacks and shirtless mirror pics

 

AdoraBill: ^shirtless mirror pics with our sweatpants hanging super low on our hips

 

AdoraBill: sending 'you up? ;)’ texts at 11:59

 

Richie and Morty: 'hey stranger ;)’ after they post a bomb selfie

 

AdoraBill: 'wanna chill? I have the house to myself’

 

Mike w/o Ike: y’all were really out there finessing ppl like that.

 

Richie and Morty: the final time that Eddie curved me I was 200% sure we were never going to happen and I thought I was going to die alone.

 

Richie and Morty: I was heartbroken, so I decided to convert to fuck boy-ism with my pal Big Bill.

 

Richie and Morty: but then me and Spaghetti started dating and I retired from that lifestyle and never looked back

 

AdoraBill: ok, but we were good at what we did.

 

Richie and Morty: hell yeah we were

 

Richie and Morty: but we're both cuffed now

 

Mike w/o Ike: how did we go from talking about Ben getting exposed to Bill and Richie reminiscing about how they used to be actual trash.

 

Richie and Morty: to be fair I am still trash

 

Stan: He finally says something I agree with.

 

Ben: aw, ur not trash Richie.

 

Richie and Morty: awwwww thanks Haystack.

 

Richie and Morty: since you clearly like my body and apparently don't think I'm a garbage incarnate, what do ya say we run off and elope?

 

Eddie: ur on thin fucking ice richard

 

Ben: I take it back, you are trash.

 

Richie and Morty: I was kidding! Eddie, you are the light of my life, my sun. Stan is my moon. Bill, Bev, Mike, and Ben are the shining  stars of my universe. Without all of you guys I would be fucking lost in this world.

 

Bev: wow that was really soft richie. 

 

Mike w/o Ike: aw, I love you too.

 

Eddie: my heart is so full of love.

 

Richie and Morty: that's not the only thing that's gonna be full  tonight ;)

 

AdoraBill: DAMN SON

 

AdoraBill: u still got it

 

AdoraBill: I taught u well

 

_ Stan has removed AdoraBill and Richie from the chat  _

 

Ben: I hate to say it, but u walked right into that one

 

Eddie: shut up Ben

 

Bev: we should've known better by now

 

Stan: I hate them both so much.

 

Ben: No u don't

 

Stan: Shut up, Ben!

  
  
  


-

 

**_A ginger, a Jew, and a hypochondriac walk into a bar_ **

 

Eddie: today is the day

 

Bev: wym Jellybean?

 

Eddie: about 2 weeks ago I gave my mans a sweatshirt as a gift. 

 

Eddie: It has been plenty of time for him to wear and make it smell like him. Today imma steal it back.

 

Bev: yaasss we love a scam Queen

 

Stan: I'm ordering one right now so I can trick Bill into doing the same thing.

 

Bev: I ordered one for Ben and its suppose to come in the mail today.

 

Stan: God bless Amazon Prime one day shipping.

 

Eddie: those unsuspecting, wonderful smelling fools. 

 

Bev: honestly they bring it upon themselves. No one told them to smell so good.

 

Eddie: I'm gonna order another one to replace the one I'm finna steal, so when the other one no longer smells like him, I can swap it out for the other one.

 

Bev: u evil genius

 

_ Stan changed the name of the group chat to  _ **_Joanne the Scammers in training_ **

 

Eddie: reason number 37634 why I love Stan

 

-

**_We love our boys and girl_ **

 

AdoraBill: im so fucking cold

 

Ben: same

 

Richie and Morty: I'm not bc hoes don't get cold

 

Ben: I thought he retired from that life.

 

Richie and Morty: i did. Besides once a hoe always a hoe.

 

Richie and Morty: im a slut for Eddie

 

AdoraBill: STFU Tozier. U only get cold when snow starts  to fall and even then sometimes you don't even wear a jacket.

 

Richie and Morty: The warmth of Eddie's love keeps me nice and toasty.

 

Ben: why were u wearing a jacket then?

 

Richie and Morty: bc despite what Eddie likes to think that boy ain't slick. 

 

Richie and Morty: he gives me a jacket as a 'gift’ then steals it back once it smells like me. I don't get cold, but I do it bc I know he likes  having stuff that smells like me and reminds him of me.

 

Ben: Bev is the opposite of subtle.

 

AdoraBill: so is Stan tbh.

 

_ AdoraBill has changed the group chat name to  _ **_Our lovers are unsubtle dorks_ **

 

Ben: i literally have goosebumps wtf

 

AdoraBill: stay strong man. We suffer so that our baes can be warm and happy

 

AdoraBill: they're too cute to deny our jackets, but I have way where everyone wins.

 

Richie and Morty: r u thinking what I think u r?

 

AdoraBill: hell yeah, code grey

 

Richie and Morty: ah yes! Can we include Mike in the plan? He might find himself a nice cutie.

 

AdoraBill: ofc

 

Ben: I'm confused

 

AdoraBill: meet me at my house in twenty

 

-

 

**Joanne the Scammers in training**

 

Eddie: I WOULD LIKE TO THANK NOT ONLY GOD BUT JESUS,MARY, AND JOSEPH AS WELL

 

Bev: what's got you in such a religious mood?

 

Eddie: come to the front of the humanities building. ASAP

 

Bev: HOOO BOY

 

Stan: What's going on?

 

Bev: brb me and Eddie r about to pray together and thank God for being so gracious.

 

Stan: ???

 

Stan: Bev?

 

Stan: Eddie?

 

Stan: Hold on, I'm coming.

 

Stan: I see you guys.

 

Stan: You hoes are really praying lmao.

 

Stan: OH SHIT

 

Stan: I'm usually use to giving, but finally I get to receive.

 

Eddie: ITS THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

 

Bev: Eddie, u thirsty hoe. I can't believe you zoomed in on your bf’s dick and took a pic.

 

Eddie: I'm always a slut for grey sweatpants season.

 

Eddie: stop judging me and wipe the drool from ur chin, sweetie. I saw u staring down Ben.

 

Bev: at least I wasn't giving anyone bedroom eyes, unlike Stan.

 

Stan: I refuse to be ashamed. My man looked like a whole snack.

 

Bev: ya girl tryna get dicked down, so I'll talk to u boys later.

 

Stan: MOOD

 

Eddie: Same.

 

-

 

**Our lovers are unsubtle dorks**

 

Ben: they really think they're sneaky, don't they?

 

AdoraBill: Yes sadly.

 

Richie and Morty: Eddie was a good 50 ft away and I still heard his dramatic ass gasp when he saw us. He's been hanging out with his mom too much and watching too many soap operas.

 

Richie and Morty: my boy didn't even try to hide 

 

Richie and Morty: and when he took a pic of me he had the flash on

 

Ben: he prob blinded like ten ppl around him

 

AdoraBill: he did not have a fuck to give about other ppl lbr

 

AdoraBill: can we talk about how him and Bev honest to god started praying?

 

Richie and Morty: It took all of my will power not to laugh

 

Ben: she swears she's the sneakiest person ever.

 

AdoraBill:  'THANK U GOD FOR BIG DICKS AND GREY SWEATPANTS IN THIS SEASON OF GIVING’ - Eddie Kaspbrak, 2017.

 

Richie and Morty: that's my boy.

 

Ben: there was nothing sneaky about her yelling 'HALLELUJAH!’

 

AdoraBill: y’all see my boy Stan staring at me?

 

Ben: Yes we saw Stan aka mr. bedroom eyes. 

 

Richie and Morty: the funny thing is that none of them came over to us...they just watched from a distance.

 

AdoraBill: ik smh

 

Ben: ok but our favorite boy Mike was chatting with some girl from last I saw.

 

Richie and Morty: I'm happy for him. GET IT MIKE

 

-

 

**B &B**

 

Bev: Netflix and Chill tonight?

 

Ben: of course my queen

 

-

 

**The Adventures of Big Bill & Bird Boy**

 

Stan: Me, you, and those sweatpants at my dorm tonight.

 

AdoraBill: Yes sir

 

-

 

**Our lovers are unsubtle dorks**

 

Ben:  screenshot.jpg

 

AdoraBill: screenshot.jpg 

 

Richie and Morty: gotta blast fellas

 

Richie and Morty: my eds just messaged me. I would share it but it's too explicit for ur young virginal eyes

 

Ben: Beep Beep 

 

AdoraBill: me? A virgin? Fake news.

 

Ben: u start to sound more & more like Richie everyday

 

Ben: may the Lord help us all.

 

-

 

**What team? WILDCATS!**

 

Ben: it's so peaceful in the gc

 

Stan: It's because we've finally defeated the evil.

 

Bev: aka richie and bill

 

Stan: Bill is a different person when he's with Richie. It's like his common sense takes a backseat.

 

Ben: at least it's better than when rich and bev hang out. Neither of them have any impulse control and are terrible influences on each other.

 

Bev: guilty as charged *finger guns*

 

Mike w/o Ike: your spouses terrible choices aside, does anyone have the answers to the chem homework

 

Eddie: nope

 

Bev: no sorry I suck ass at chem and was planning on copying off one of y'all

 

Ben: I didn't do it either

 

Mike w/o Ike: did u do it Stan?

 

Stan:.... No. 

 

Mike w/o Ike: damn it! I was counting on one of you to do it.

 

Eddie: if Stan and Ben didn't do it then we're screwed.

 

Stan: Chemistry is fucking hard, okay?

 

Mike w/o Ike: rt

 

Eddie: rt

 

Bev:rt

 

Bev: y'all don't hate me for this, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

 

_ Bev added AdoraBill and Richie to  _ **_What team? WILDCATS!_ **

 

Stan: ugh, Bev why?!

 

Eddie: rt 

 

AdoraBill: wow I'm really feeling the love. Glad u missed us.

 

Richie and Morty: we love our fans

 

Bev: it was our last option!

 

AdoraBill: huh?

 

Mike w/o Ike: did either of u do the chem hw?

 

AdoraBill: oh I see what this is

 

AdoraBill: u only added us back bc u wanted something. Fake fans

 

Bev: yes yes we know, but did u do it?

 

AdoraBill: fuck no, that shit was hard.

 

Mike w/o Ike: FUCk

 

Richie and Morty: what r u talking about Bill? That shit was easy

 

Richie and Morty: chemhomework-withanswers.jpg

 

Mike w/o Ike: God Bless You!

 

Bev: Thank god, someone who finally knows how the fuck to do this

 

Ben: Thanks Richie :)

 

Eddie: bless up y'all. I thought we were really about to take have to take the L on this assignment

 

Mike w/o Ike: not that I'm complaining, but why is your handwriting so nice? It looks like calligraphy

 

Richie and Morty: nah, I wouldn't go as far as calligraphy, but my handwriting use to be shit and to my dad that was Unacceptable, plus  i use to go to this strict private school where they drilled it into us to have Perfect™ penmanship and made us do some exercises to perfect it.

 

Richie and Morty: did none of u do the homework

 

Bev: I don't really pay attention in that class tbh

 

Mike w/o Ike: I pay attention and I'm still lost

 

Stan: You were our last resort. And by last, I mean absolute last. Only Bev wanted to ask you.

 

Richie and Morty: fine! See if I bring u back any souvenirs from Europe now!

 

Eddie: when r u leaving? :((

 

Ben: why are you going to Europe?

 

Richie and Morty: My dad is french so during the holidays I go visit my  family

 

Richie and Morty: I leave on the seventeenth and get back on January 14

 

Eddie: YOURE LEAVING ME FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH???!!!!

 

Stan: Great, an entire month of freedom.

 

Bev: u speak the french?

 

Richie and Morty: yes I speak the french

 

Mike w/o Ike: the first time I heard him speak French I was shook. We were talking and then his phone rang bc his dad was calling. He picked it up and started speaking another language.

 

AdoraBill: when we were younger if he got excited he would change languages midsentence

 

Eddie:  when he mispronounced words was the cutest. I miss his french accent

 

Eddie: edgeog

 

AdoraBill: Broonies

 

Stan: skwee-woo

 

AdoraBill: let's not forget fuck-us

 

Eddie: LMAO

 

Eddie: “Be quiet Stan I'm trying fuck-us”

 

AdoraBill: Translation for those of u who didn't have the privilege of growing up with French!Richie: hedgehog, brownies, squirrel, focus

 

Mike w/o Ike: I would pay money to see a young Richie say skwee-woo

 

Bev: from now everyone has to say fuck-us instead of focus

 

Ben: 'skwee-woo’ oml

 

Stan: If you think that's bad, you should've heard him try to say 'rarely’.

 

Eddie: ^it sounded like a whole mess

 

Richie and Morty: this is bullying

 

Stan: And how can we forget the bizarre expressions he use to say?

 

AdoraBill: I'm out of breath from laughing so hard at the memories 

 

AdoraBill: “the carrots are cooked!”

 

Eddie: “its no reason for whipping a cat”

 

Stan: “That's the end of the beans!”

 

Stan: “Mike has a heart like an artichoke.”

 

AdoraBill: “you guys wanna go eat on the thumb?”

 

Eddie: “wow mrs.denbrough, you're really pressing the mushroom” 

 

Stan: I still don't know what it means to “have an ass lined with noodles”.

 

Eddie: yeah that mystery has yet to be solved.

 

Richie and Morty: this is bullying x2

 

Bev: what the fuck does that mean^^^ 

 

Mike w/o Ike: yeah Rich what does it mean

 

Richie and Morty: I was taught to never give in to peer pressure

 

Eddie: will u tell us what it means please?

 

Richie and Morty: since u asked nicely I will

 

Richie and Morty: it means to be lucky

 

Ben: really? Huh wouldn't have guessed that

 

Bev: that's fucking weird

 

AdoraBill: ^agreed

 

Richie and Morty: that's francophobic

 

Richie and Morty: this is one of the reasons that I hate uncultured Americans

 

Bev: bitch aren't u American?

 

Richie and Morty: I was born in fucking Quebec

 

Richie and Morty: such a fake fan

 

Mike w/o Ike: this just in, Richie is not in fact American

 

Ben: looks like our plan to run in 2020 is out of the picture

 

AdoraBill: speaking of the president, this french canadian bitch ain't even a citizen and thought the Cheeto in the White House was going go to deport him bc his green card expired

 

Mike w/o Ike: how r u still here if ur green card expired?

 

Richie and Morty: student visa my dude. My dad is working on renewing my green card.

 

Ben: why haven't u become a citizen yet

 

Richie and Morty: the process is long and hard dude

 

Richie and Morty: plus I have dual citizenship in Canada and France, so when the us goes to shit I can skrt skrt away and be no way connected

 

Bev: a mood honestly

 

Ben: not everything is mood

 

Bev: says u

 

AdoraBill: mood

 

Bev: see? Bill gets it

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Church Fights and Delayed Flights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catfishing,facetime with grandmas,a time skip, delayed flights, a tired Mike, and a special hatred for chemistry

Tinder Private Message

 

Robert: do u like reading

 

Robert: cuz I'll give you my Charles Dickens

 

Patrick(Eddie): no I hate reading

 

Robert: that's no good. Why?

 

Patrick (Eddie): I'm dyslexic, so words and I don't go well together

 

-

 

What Team? WILDCATS!

 

Eddie: screenshot.jpg

 

Bev: IM CRYINg 

 

Stan: That is quite possibly the funniest thing that I've ever read.

 

Mike: LMAO

 

AdoraBill: I CAN'T bReAYHE

 

AdoraBill: wait if u have a bf why r u on tinder?

 

Eddie: in our spare time me and Stan catfish ppl as Henry Bowers and Patrick Hocksetter

 

Mike: I'm amused but not shocked

 

Stan: Henry is poppin’ on the white trash side of Tinder

 

Stan: He got like six super likes and numerous compliments on his mullet

 

AdoraBill: Mullets are for cousin fuckers

 

Bev: rt

 

Mike: where's Ben at?

 

Bev: he's doing a final study group before we leave for break

 

Mike: speaking of break, what r u guys doing

 

AdoraBill: I'm headed home and Eddie is gonna stay with me

 

Eddie: my mother is too unbearable to be around for extended periods of time, so I'll swing by for like an hour on Christmas day

 

Bev: I'm spending the holidays with Ben’s family

 

Stan: I'm going home for Hanukkah. Can't wait to hear all my aunts and my grandma tell me that I'm too skinny. After Hanukkah, catch me at Casa Denbrough

 

Mike: I'll be back on the farm with my grandpa. Back on that farmer grind

 

Stan: I can't wait to see Georgie

 

Eddie: me too. I miss that little bundle of sunshine

 

Eddie: Mike, make sure u hug all of ur chickens and tell them that I love them

 

Mike: will do

 

AdoraBill:remember the time when that chicken sat in Eddie's lap and laid an egg?

 

Mike: Sheila took quite a liking to Eddie

 

Richie: Y’ain’t gonna BELIEVE what happened!

 

Bev: Richie!

 

Stan: Hello to you too.

 

Eddie: hi lover <3

 

Richie: Hey friends and lover <3

 

Richie: STORYTIME- THE TIME A HOE TRIED ME IN CHURCH

 

AdoraBill: fake news. Richie Tozier has never set foot in a church in his life

 

Bev:^he would burn the minute he stepped foot on holy ground

 

Mike: what happened?

 

Richie: fuck u guys. Thank u Mike

 

Richie: ANYWAYS,

 

Richie: I was in church minding my own business and it gets to the part of the service where we go up to the altar to pray. So I go up to the altar and get down on my knees. 

 

Richie: So there I am, praying to the good Lord when I feel someone YANK MY FUCKING HAIR

 

Richie: they pulled so hard I thought a bitch was tryna scalp me

 

Richie: so I turn around and I see this stuffy looking guy and I'm like wtf dude

 

Richie: and he says he was trying to get by or whatever.

 

Stan: Has the dumb fuck never heard of the phrase 'excuse me’?

 

Richie: that's what I said! There was no need to pull my hair and he dead ass says to me

 

Richie: “if ur hair wasn't so long, then we wouldn't have this problem”

 

Richie: I have never wanted to throw hands with someone more

 

Richie: even my dad was pissed at the guy

 

AdoraBill: ah shit. Wentworth was pissed? Rip that rude guy

 

Mike: what did ur dad do?

 

Richie: I have no clue. They both went outside and only my dad came back

 

Richie: I was just trying to have a conversation with Jesus and have to put up with that kind of fuckery

 

AdoraBill: Moral of the story- Only Eddie is allowed to pull Richie's hair

 

Eddie: WILLIAM

 

Richie: damn right

 

Bev: SKKJJDSSEFCBxb

 

Mike:....anyways, how's Europe? The rude church guy aside

 

Richie: gr8. Food is A+, culture is great, I'm never bored, and have I mentioned that my grandma is awesome

 

Richie: selfiewithgrandma.jpg

 

Bev: wow ur gma is rlly pretty

 

Richie: she feeds me and tells me how much of a handsome boy I am and won't stop asking about Stan

 

Mike: why is she asking after Stan?

 

Richie: I've known Stan since forever and one year I conned him into going to France with me and my grandma fell in love with him. She calls him her second grandson

 

Stan: Tell Grandma Camille I said ça va.

 

Richie: tell her yourself she been bugging me to FaceTime you all day. “Let me talk to Stanley, mon chou"

 

Bev: awww that's so sweet

 

Richie: you too eds

 

Eddie: what about me

 

Richie: I told her about the cute boyfriend named Eddie and she wants to meet u

 

Richie: so expect a FT call after Stanley

 

Bev: aw, I wanna meet ur grandma too!

 

Richie: next year I'll take everyone with me

 

Stan: How are you planning on affording that?

 

Richie: I've got enough frequent flyer miles for all of us to fly around Europe AND explore Asia

 

AdoraBill: when r u not traveling lol

 

Richie: Spring break I fly to Canada, the end of May/beginning of June I'm in Europe, June/July I fly to Maine, start of September I fly back for school, and mid-December/early January I'm in Europe again.

 

Richie: now imagine doing that for YEARS

 

Richie: I would not be surprised if the people at the airport knew me by name

 

Bev: speaking of flights, mine and Ben's leave in two hours

 

AdoraBill: me, Stan, and Eddie are waiting board

 

Mike: safe flights my friends

 

Mike: can’t wait to see everyone after the holidays

 

Ben: RT

 

Stan: Rt

 

Eddie: rt

 

AdoraBill: rt

 

Bev: rt

 

Richie: rt

 

*

 

What Team? WILDCATS!

 

AdoraBill: Having class the first day back is a bitch

 

Bev: ive contemplated throwing myself off the humanities building no less than six times today

 

Ben: its only nine o’clock

 

Bev: some of us have a chem lab first thing in the morning benjamin

 

Stan: I hated every minute of that godforsaken class.

 

Eddie: Having chem at 8 am is a cruel punishment that i wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy

 

Bev: speaking of chem, where tf was Mike?

 

Eddie: no idea. I guess he said fuck it and decided to sleep in

 

Ben: unlikely. Mike never skips class.

 

AdoraBill: i also havent heard from richie yet either

 

Richie: did someone say richie?

 

Stan: Speak the devil’s name and he shall appear.

 

Eddie: yea, wya?

 

Richie: so, funny story

 

Richie: when u hear it ur gonna bust up laughing

 

Richie: i was on my flight home and the captain announced that one of the engines had failed and for everyones safety he was going to land the plane early.

 

Bev: that is not a funny story

 

Ben: that is the opposite of funny.

 

Stan: Are you okay?

 

Richie: im fine.

 

Richie: guess where the plane lands? Portland International in good ol’ Maine

 

Richie: so as im getting off the plane and enter the airport, you’ll never guess who i see

 

AdoraBill: who?

 

Richie: a hunk of a man named Michael Hanlon

 

Richie: apparently his flight got delayed due to maintenance issues, so now we are reunited and waiting for our flight together!

 

Richie: mikesleepingwithhisheadonrichieslap.jpg

 

Bev: awww,poor tired boi

 

Eddie: Thank God you both are okay

 

Ben: ^

 

Stan: What time is your new flight?

 

Richie: noon, so Mike should be back on campus and in action around three. I’ll meet you guys at your school around five.

 

AdoraBill: why did we ever think going to different schools was a good idea?

 

Ben: Me, you, Stan, and Eddie all go to the same school at least. Bev kinda goes to our school and Richie goes to a different school all alone

 

Eddie: i still find it funny that you have to come all the way to nyu to take a chem lab bc u didnt do it in high school and your school doesnt offer the course

 

Bev: I go to a fashion school, what else did u expect?

 

Bev: i never thought not taking chemistry would bite me in the ass

 

AdoraBill: Richie goes to Juilliard and yet routinely gives us the answers to our chem homework for a class he doesnt take at a school he doesnt go to

 

Richie: friends helps friends.

 

Richie: besides i read some of your answers and they were just sad

 

Richie: y’all didn’t know the difference between boyle’s law and avogadro’s law

 

Richie: Bill didn’t know how to balance chemical equations and just wrote a bunch of questions marks all over the page next to a sad/frustrated ninja turtle

 

AdoraBill: that was some of my best work

AdoraBill: But also a very dark time for me academically.

 

Stan: Our chemistry professor is actual garbage

 

Eddie: ^like legitimately terrible at his job

 

Ben: his class is the only one ive ever been afraid of failing.

 

Bev: me,bill, and eddie legit cried tears of joy when we got a D on our last test

 

Eddie: a 65% never felt so sweet

 

AdoraBill: that bumped me up to a 70.01%

 

AdoraBill: my grade hadn’t been that high since the beginning of the semester

 

Eddie: remember in high school when i would get upset if i got anything below an 85% lmao

 

Eddie: sorry the old eddie cant come to the phone right now. Why? Bc professor Heizner’s class killed him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please enjoy my humble trash offering. Feel free to tell me what you want to see or any general ideas. Imma have to edit this later bc as per usual I'm posting in the early hours of the morning before class instead of sleeping.
> 
> Side note: I forgot that Beverly goes to a different school than the others, so my half ass, totally unrealistically explanation for her being at their school is that she didn't get enough science credits in high school, so she's making it up now, but since she goes to a fashion school (I have no idea if gen ed is required at fashion schools) they don't offer the course on campus.
> 
> Ben, Bill, Eddie, Mike, and Stan go to NYU. Bev goes to the Fashion Institute of Technology. Richie goes to Juilliard. Bev and Richie usually visit the others campus so they can all be together.


	3. Sexy Jocks and Headlocks

What Team? WILDCATS!

Mike: I can't take y'all anywhere, I s2g

Ben: what happened now?

Mike: I went to the gym with Bill and Richie

Mike: that is a mistake I will not be repeating in the near future

Bill: aww, come on Mike!

Mike: No.

Bev: Richie's skinny ass at the gym? Fake news

Richie: I am wounded Beverly

Richie: I'm tryna get some gainz. I would make a student athlete joke, but I've grown as a person.

Stan: What did those idiots do?

Bill: Stanley!

Mike: those two idiots were over by the leg press machine and I was minding my business lifting some weights. You know, getting in a real workout

Mike: so naturally, I got sweaty and decided to take my shirt off. No big deal

Mike: but unfortunately those two had make a scene about it.

Bill: actually it was a big deal

Bill: Mike's body is the holy Grail of wet dreams

Richie: I nutted when he revealed that glorious body

Mike: they were yelling weird shit at me across the room. EVERYONE was staring

Bill: it really wasn't that bad 

Mike: You literally yelled 'DAMN ZADDY’

Ben: I'm so embarrassed for you

Richie: in my defense, it is hard to be calm when faced with a shirtless God ™ such as Mike.

Stan: Eddie, come get your man.

Eddie: nah, I'm good. At least he's doing it to someone else now. He literally called me Daddy Kaspbrak in front of my entire study group when he dropped off my book one time

Eddie: now I can never live that down.

Richie: I love you Dad

Stan: Bill, you better not call me any form or name pertaining to a father.

Bill: of course

Bill: anything for u Zaddy ;)

Stan has removed Bill from the chat What Team? WILDCATS!

Richie: lmao youre wild daddy Uris

Stan has removed Richie from the chat What Team? WILDCATS! 

Stan has blocked Richie

Bev: ffs, what's wrong with those two

Ben: the world may never know

-

Bev: Im going to go get boba. Does anyone want to come?

Ben: it's three in the morning???

Bev: and yet you are still awake

Bev: so is that a yes or a no?

Mike: y'all better stop texting the group chat before you wake up the 2 divas.

Bev: I just wanna get some dang boba and was extending the offer to my dear friends.

Eddie: whomst the FUCK KEEPS BLOWING UP THE DAMN GC

Mike: look what you've done

Eddie: I need at LEAST 9 hours of sleep so I'm not a walking ball of rage tomorrow

Bev: aren't you always a walking ball of rage?

Stan: Stop texting the group chat and go to sleep or face my wrath in the morning, you inconsiderate assholes. A tired Stanley is a wrathful Stanley :)

Bev: Richie wouldve gotten boba with me.

Stan has removed Bev from the group chat What Team? WILDCATS!

Stan: Anyone else?

Stan: Good.

-  
Island of Misfit Fuckboyz

Richie: I can't believe stanley did that to me!

Bill: yikes, I know. I did NOT expect that.

Richie: it wasn't even my fault

Bill: don't worry I'll talk to him

-  
What Team? WILDCATS!

Stan: Oh my fucking God. You guys aren't going to believe this.

Ben: Dear God, what happened?

Stan: Richie and I have a standing tradition that every Thursday, we go out to lunch at our favorite restaurant and tell each other about our weeks.

Stan: It is a strict Stanley and Richie ONLY activity.

Stan: Usually, he'll call or text me what time we're gonna meet up, but this week for some reason he didn't.

Stan: I just assumed he got caught up in class or was really busy working on a project, but NO. On my way to get coffee, I walked past our usual restaurant and saw none other than Richie and Bill inside.

Ben: Top 10 Anime Betrayals

Eddie: but did you really have to put him in a headlock?

Eddie: when he called me he was upset that he didn't even get to explain himself.

Stan: He broke our Stanley/Richie tradition.

Eddie: he tried to text you, but you blocked his number so none of his messages went through. Him and Bill were at Juniors so that he could pick up your usual order and bring it to you on campus.

Stan: …

Stan: Now I feel like a terrible person.

Ben: I've always kind of wondered why you and Richie we're best friends but now I know why.

Ben: You both are so Extra™

Mike: The thought of someone as small as Stan putting someone a big as Richie in a headlock is hilarious

Stan: I'm gonna go apologize to Richie.

-

Voices of Reason

Bev: I just witnessed the softest apology ever between Stan and Richie.

Bev: Stan apologized for overreacting, then they told each other I love you, and hugged. 

Ben: awwwww

Mike: we love boys who don't let toxic masculinity stand in the way of friendship

Bev: "I'm still not unblocking your number. Send a fucking email next time you goof" -Stanley Uris, Savage Extraordinaire 

Mike: Richie is the thespian of our group, but I swear Stan is the most dramatic

Ben: those two goobers deserve each other

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I know this is trash. I'm too sick to edit this rn so I'll possibly edit this when I don't feel like I'm dying. Feel free to say hey to me over on Tumblr. My user is smokeringsanddeadkings.


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